Bernie Sanders goes to the strip club

Here, they discuss just how much touching is allowed during the interview

When a stripper says something about “feeling the burn” it usually doesn’t have any positive connotations associated with it. However, in his quest to live out the plot to the movie Never Been Kissed through his Presidential run and make people think he’s a cool, young guy, hip to mainstream pop culture- instead of another old white man-Bernie Sanders gleefully smiled when a stripper said just that to him.

Why Sanders thought he should sit down with a 26 year old rapper known for mispronouncing two simple letters and being a K-Mart Nicki Minaj, though Nicki herself is just the Wal-Mart brand, is beyond me. Again, I’m not the most political savvy so I can’t really second guess political campaign moves, and in his position I’d be akin to follow the advice of my team too. So when someone 60 years younger than him in his campaign said it was a good idea to sit down with her, I’m sure Sanders made a slow flinching movement, reminiscent of having jumped, at the idea.

These two political powerhouses met in the nail salon, where Cardi could undoubtedly kill two birds with one stone and have her Bugle chip fingers done at the same time she took part in this meeting of the minds to combat tough, grinding, social justice issues that neither of them have to worry about in life, but pretend to in order to save face and rake in millions of dollars.

Cardi has said in the past she likes Bernie, because he doesn’t just say things to be cool, which is probably true since he’s at that age where you can pretty much say anything you want and get away with it. Most people see this with their racist grandparents, Bernie instead though chooses to just make false claims about healthcare and student loans. Promising free money and then being too senile to have to worry about backing it up with fact or logic has worked well so far for him to garner as much of the young vote as he can. Of course he’s going to just keep saying whatever he wants when it gets him the same amount of attention as it did my ex girlfriends Great-Aunt Beatrice when she’d drop an N bomb at a holiday dinner. The difference is, his deteriorating mind is making false promises because it enjoys the positive attention it gets in return, whereas Beatrice was just an old racist.

Cardi B of course needed to bring up the important issue that her followers most wanted help with, increasing wages. Cardi said “Like, for example me, as a New Yorker, not now, but you know, when I was not famous, I just felt like no matter how many jobs I got, I wasn’t able to make ends meet. Like, I wasn’t able to pay my rent, get transportation and eat.” Cardi did in fact have multiple jobs prior to being famous. In addition to being a stripper, she also had a job where she drugged men and stole from them. Not sure how these two sources of income weren’t enough to provide for her, but she either was an awful stripper or a terrible thief.

Of course the interview wouldn’t be complete if they didn’t bring up this magical idea of ending racism while throwing shade at the police. Bernie, who most likely has only had to deal with the police in instances where he was driving too slow or was making a noise complaint about his much younger 50 year old neighbors blasting their music too loud while he was trying to sleep at 6pm, wants it to be known that the police should not look like a military, out to intimidate their communities. Rather it seems communities should police themselves.

Cardi wants people to know she has no ill will towards police, though she also wants people to know she has ill will towards police.

“I don’t want people thinking that we’re trying to attack the police. Because let me tell you something, there was this one time that I started to feel like I hate the police, they’re pigs. But there’s a lot of cops that go in their jobs and they want to protect their people.”

A women who is married to a man who carries guns with him wherever he goes, along with drugs and a long list of prior charges and convictions, who has had multiple run ins with the law, as well as someone herself who has felony charges against her for some pretty aggressive stuff, doesn’t like the police?

So these two got together and basically just went down a checklist of popular issues they knew they could discuss that would resonate with the young, minority crowd Bernie hopes to trick into voting for him. Not totally sure how it ended, whether Bernie had to pay Cardi B for her time in singles, or if she slipped something into his drink and then took her fee out of his wallet when he passed out. Whether lap dances were given, by Bernie or Cardi, has yet to be made public.

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