#BeeHivesMatter

In a world with no shortage of people constantly clamoring about any cause that they think might make them appear to be “woke” social justice warriors so they can thumb their noses at people who don’t lower themselves to their level of hypocrisy just to feel good about themselves, we’ve begun to hit the point where there is no return. Nobody is safe from having Monday Morning Quarterbacks proudly dictate how things should have been done in the peaceful nirvana that exists in their minds only. The latest example is coming from the website that spends their time bashing cops, white people, the criminal justice system and its lack of giving into allowing one particular writer to see an old mans dick, and all around hypocrisy towards how other people in the world should behave, all told from their glass houses built on a foundation of tears and homophobia.

The other day during the Marlins-Padres game in San Diego, the game had to be stopped due to a swarm of bees that had gathered on a microphone directly behind home plate. Home plate, for those who don’t know, aren’t privy to fancy sports lingo, or have suffered a stroke recently, is where the action of literally every play in baseball takes place. It wasn’t at the top of the foul pole in right field, it wasn’t in a small enclave of one of the dugouts, and it wasn’t even underneath the unused tarps rolled away for a rain delay, it was directly behind the batter, within eyesight of the pitcher. It was kinda necessary to take care of immediately. Bugs during a baseball game can be quite disruptive.

So a man came out dressed in beekeeper attire. The conspiracy theorists of the social justice underworld seem to think this was done to make those of us watching at home think it was a trained bee keeping professional, and that it was an obvious attempt to insult our intelligence. God forbid we realize it was done just to keep this poor groundskeeper who drew the short straw safe from being stung. He made a beeline (pun!) towards the swarm, supposedly on his way to humanely take care of the non-human entity that had become the nightmare of Clifford Franklin come to life.

“You mean like bees on the field, coach?”

Obviously the correct course of action would’ve been to present each tiny bee with a small parting gift of a collectible, officially-licensed Padres pollen collector cup and offer to put them up at the Ritz for the night. However, the way the ones crying about this describe it as happening is basically King Joffrey in a beekeeper outfit sprayed those pesky little fuckers, manically laughed as he watched their dead bodies fall to the ground, and then vacuumed those suckers up to display the heads of those little fucks on a spike outside his home later that night.

This approach did not sit well with the beekeeper unit of the NYPD, which apparently is a real thing and also going to be the basis for Law and Order: Beekeeping Division coming this fall to NBC. (Or Chicago Beekeeping, whichever franchise they’re currently squeezing the life out of these days.)

I hope thats not real leather, Barry

Barry Petchesky, the Deadspin writer best known for thinking it’s OK to rape fat women because they’re fat, or something, who also doesn’t like the police and has no issue making thinly-veiled accusations against them from the bed of snowflakes and false outrage he sits on, had some issues with the way the bees were treated. The way he speaks of the incident, we apparently bared witness to the Bee Holocaust of 2019, and we’re just as culpable as the Hitler in the beekeeper gear because we did nothing about it. Again- this guy hates fat chicks and likes his girls thin and with a drug problem and eating disorder.

Using the imagery that would make my third grade teacher proud, he paints a portrait of a sadistic, poison wielding killer with no regard for the life of bees.

The man was an exterminator. He was armed with poison, and he sprayed the bees until they all died, and then he sucked up their corpses with a shop vac.

There was absolutely no reason to do this.

It’s rare that a swarm of honeybees leads to anyone getting stung, as long as you mind your business.

Absolutely no reason to do this, won’t somebody please think of the Bees?! These, harmless, smiling creatures, with the voice of Jerry Seinfeld and the heart of Mr. Rogers, drinking their tea, minding their own business.

HD image of one of the bees per Deadspin

Except that wasn’t the case, it was a gigantic swarm of buzzing that had accrued more members per second than the Yankees bandwagon does in October. While Barry and the rest of the uptight spoiled folk who need attention cry that it wasn’t dealt with appropriately, the reality is they probably are the type to shriek like a small schoolgirl at the site of a nearby bee, and would do whatever it takes to eliminate the threat of being stung. Which honestly isn’t even a knock on them, because I sure as shit don’t like bees either. Those fuckers are the insect version of cats; sure they do good and can be nice, but they can also turn on you without a moments notice, they’re not to bee (another pun!) trusted. Not only that, but one bee can be terrifying enough, try having to get in the batters box and focus with the increasingly loud sound of this swarm of flying needles building up directly behind you.

Agreeing that they do need to be removed, Barry points out that there are trained beekeepers who have special vacuums for situations such as this. True, that absolutely would have been a more fair option, and would have allowed the bees to be placed at a safe site where “they can start their colony and go on helpfully making honey and wax and pollinating our plants” and teaching English to foreigners, writing poems about harmony and unity, spending weekends working at soup kitchens, giving out free haircuts to the homeless, and whatever other other tasks Barry thinks these little freedom fighting Mother Theresas with wings do to the make the world a better place.

What is ignored is the environment this was done in and the necessary steps that would have to be taken in order to complete this. It’s nice to sit back in your air conditioned office while leisurely typing at your own pace about how a professional sports team should have handled a situation that would make you seem to be someone who cares about everyone, every creature, everywhere and wants the world to hold hands, hug, and treat each other equally (again, except fat chicks, whom he hates). This giant worldwide group hug is not a possibility though.

I have never been to San Diego, I don’t know what it’s like to get in the stadium, but I don’t think they have a trained professional beekeeper on staff, with the necessary equipment, waiting in the depths of Petco Park hoping today will be the day his certain set of skills can be put to use on the grand stage of an MLB game. It would have taken time to get one. First they’d have to locate one, not to mention one qualified enough to satisfy the insatiable desire Barry and the Band of Snowflakes have to ensure the utmost respect was given towards the just-as-important-as-all-humans bees that were being handled. Then he/she (women can be beekeepers too) would have had to get the proper tools together and made their way to the stadium. This would have caused a longer delay in game, and from what little I know about other human beings, people don’t like to wait. Especially in the middle of a day during a hot game outside in the sun.

So go ahead and cry for equal bee rights because you have nothing better to complain about today (yet) and act like you don’t spray the shit out of any hives you find near your house if ever the situation arises. You’re full of shit, the Padres got rid of a problem quick and easily, where absolutely nobody was hurt. If you don’t actually raise bees at your home and go out of your way to make sure every insect (even spiders) get treated fairly and are properly disposed of alive and outside when they sneak into your homes uninvited, then you’re a hypocritical dumbass crying foul and stomping your feet for no reasons besides you weren’t given enough attention today. This should be an absolute non-issue but somehow people have found a way to turn it into a genocidal fiasco that we all witnessed. In the meantime, it’s still OK to Barry to rape fat chicks, just don’t hurt bees.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.