The Simpsons take on New York

I’ve heard politicians tell a million lies, they usually always somehow get away with it with very little questioning or backlash, but this is probably the most egregious one I’ve ever heard. Governor Cuomo is claiming he’s never watched an episode of The Simpsons. The show has been on 30 years, it’s cemented in pop-culture history and because of that has been allowed to stay on the air while being on auto-pilot the past decade or so in terms of quality. Even with the decline in writing, who the fuck has never seen a single episode? That can’t be true. This definite lie puts everything the man has said into question. I don’t know any of his actual policies, minus that he hates plastic bags, but I assume his entire platform is built on a throne of lies. Even if they’re not, and he really is within the .01% of people who have never seen the Simpsons in their entire time they’ve been on TV, the fact he has never watched the show makes me think there’s more wrong with him than just the fact that he’s a politician.

Why would we know that he hasn’t seen an episode? Well, the Simpsons took a shot at upstate New York in their most recent episode, pretty much letting the rest of the country know just how much of a shithole it is up there. Rather than take this as maybe a wake up call to clean the place up, the politicians running this state thought they would fight back. Because fighting with a cartoon is really what politics is all about.

In the episode, Homer drives by a run down, empty Kodak plant, sings a parody of “New York, New York” that highlights the highest lows of upstate, such as their claim to fame of wing sauce, living off disability, and enjoying a Bills game with their huge fan base of one other guy. A tractor trailer also gets swallowed by a pothole and they drive past a leaking water tower in Niskayuna, which is near Albany. I went to SUNY Albany, I’ve made the drive up there a million times, I can vouch for the Simpsons here, upstate New York is a shitdump of a place. The long, lonely drive up the Taconic to Albany was always filled with wonderful scenery such as the scary looking, debilitated wooden shack that said “flower shop” on it’s broken sign, rusted old cars littered along the way, possible filming locations for any one of the iterations of “The Hills Have Eyes”,

An upstate New Yorker watching a car drive by on the side of the Taconic

Possibly even the original place that it was based off of, and muddy fields on both sides, even if it hadn’t rained in weeks. Not to forget the one gas station next to a diner that I can’t even fathom how they get their food since there’s pretty much no other sign of human activity within miles. It might be the meat from the poor souls whos cars broke down along the Taconic honestly. Once you get past Putnam county, about midway through Dutchess, you’re driving through grassy plains of upstate redneck woods, and it doesn’t lead you to anything much better.

Western New York pretty much has the distinct favor of being relevant simply because it’s part of New York. There’s a reason anyone living in Westchester and Putnam like to just tell people they’re from the city, and look down upon anyone from up further North as barely being allowed to call themselves New Yorkers. Once you’re past Dutchess, you’re pretty much in Canada. And living on the other side of the river, you’re basically in either Jersey or Pennsylvania. I’ve been to Plattsburgh, it’s not pretty, I assume the rest of it up there isn’t much better. Place was a ghost town.

Plattsburgh, I think

Cuomo can hate on plastic bags and The Simpsons all he wants, and the people from the towns the Simpsons knocked can try to disagree with it all they want, but there’s a reason they made the jokes they did. There’s always at least a little bit of truth in any joke, and this time, the entire joke was based off pretty much fact. Upstate New York is a shithole, and even a town that doesn’t exist, with characters who aren’t real, can see that. Hopefully this episode turns out better than the last time the Simpsons went to New York, and apparently predicted 9/11

Although, it can’t really get much worse upstate anyway.

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