Chocolate Lives Matter

Milk chocolate is 100% the king of chocolates, with white chocolate a distant second and dark chocolate trudging along very far behind in third. That opinion has everything to do with the taste of the chocolate and not the color of them. Except, living in the world we live in now, that actually means I would rank the top 3 races as Latino, White and Black.

Some white woman in the UK apparently thinks this way, as she took issue with some store over there, Waitrose, selling 3 different chocolate ducks, named Crispy, Fluffy and Ugly. The Ugly one was the name of the dark chocolate duck. A callback to the ugly duckling fairytale. This was an obvious racial insult on the part of Waitrose, said the people slowly running out of things to cry about, and was demeaning to black people. Why does the dark chocolate one, the obvious African-American duck in the trio, have to be the ugly one? After crying to nobody in particular about something that really shouldn’t be an issue on twitter, this snowflake of a woman got the store to change the names of the ducks.

Ignoring the fact that it’s literally chocolates we’re talking about here, this woman somehow found a way to get the attention she clearly doesn’t get at home to shed light on the obvious racial injustice people of color deal with everyday through various forms of candy and chocolate. I for one am actually offended too. How dare the white chocolate one be named fluffy? Is that some sort of dig at white people being overweight?

And the Latino chocolate being named Crispy? That actually seems like was a clear reference to Sal from Impractical Jokers character, Ja’Crispy. Sal is part Puerto Rican, so this is an obvious slight at him and Puerto Ricans in general.

People are finding the most absurd shit to complain about now. This is literally a variety of 3 chocolates, all of which are just that, chocolate. There’s no deeper meaning behind the names, no children are going into stores and being taught that dark people are ugly. It’s fucking ducks. It’s not even people. If they named the milk chocolate one “Cholo”, the white one “MAGA” and the dark one “N-Word” then I would maybe, slightly, see this whackadoo ladies point. In actuality, they named the dark chocolate one Ugly after I assume the Ugly Duckling. Honestly, dark chocolate fucking sucks anyway. That’s not my thinly veiled way of saying African-Americans suck. That means dark chocolate, the non-living, non-gender, non-race piece of candy that it is, sucks.

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