The mark of the douche

No, not the Yankee logo, though that doesn’t help. I’m talking about the giant in your face sticker.

Big hat guy here, I’ll wear one anywhere I possibly can. If I get away with it at work, then I’m rockin a hat. Nothing pisses me off more than when I got out to a bar and they have a no hat policy. Makes no sense. People get away with wearing the stupidest shit, “fashionistas” looking like Lady GaGa in her meat suit and I can’t wear my Indians hat to sit at the bar and drink a few dozen beers.

fashion in general also makes no fuckin sense

47 brand has been my favorite for a while now, they’re comfortable, look pretty good, and easy to shape. I’ll rock a New Era authentic if I wanna “class it up” a bit, but for the most part, it’s a greasy, worn in Chief Wahoo on my head. Which as I type that, I realize why some bars might tell me to take it off. Anyway

What I can’t stand are people who wear their New Eras, or any other brand, with a flat brim and the sticker on. What’s the point of that? Who exactly is that supposed to impress? It’s pretty common practice these days for clothes to have either a sticker or tag on them when they’re new, so not sure why you decide to be lazy with the one on your hat and leave it. Do I walk around with my sticker on my jeans saying 34/32? No, because for one it actually says 36/32, and also I’m not a douche. You rip the sticker off your clothes when you get them, throw it in the trash and that’s it. Call it a day.

Is this really what you want to look like?

People out here wearing the New Era stickers that take up the entire top of the brim. I don’t care that you’re a 7 1/2. In fact, nobody does. If they do then they need to reevaluate their lives as well as you yours. It’s been happening for years so I get it’s a trend that doesn’t seem to die. I just want to know why? Is it a cultural thing? I see both black and white people doing it, so I just think if your culture is you’re kinda an asshole regardless of race then you’ll be leaving the sticker on. Personally I can’t wait to get stickers and tags off my clothes. The New Era one is huge, gawky and just plain dumb. Is it supposed to be so people know your hat is New Era? The logo on the side of the hat takes care of that, dumbass. Is it a sign of wealth and status? Authentic hats are by no means cheap, usually like 35 bucks, but that doesn’t exactly mean you need to be a Rockefeller to afford one. Do you want us to know its brand new? If that’s the case, you’re a bigger tool than I first thought, because who gives a shit about when you bought it? When does it no longer qualify as brand new and at what point does it no longer necessitate a sticker to tell people “I just bought this hat”?

Also, bend the damn thing. Yes, some people look good with it flat, and I also get for some it’s just their style. Others though, they’re in need of a friend who can look them in the eye and say, “you look like a complete dumbass, bend your fuckin hat or get one that fits.” That’s a sign of true friendship. Chances are you’re not Eminem or some other rapper who just left the studio, so put a little wear and tear in that sucker. Let it rest against your your head above your ear instead of leaving that awful looking giant gap between head and hat that makes Michael Strahans teeth look like they’re all aligned and touching.

OK, they are aligned at least

New Era also has changed the look of the sticker, it used to just be a circle on the top, now it’s a long sticker that covers the entire brim. I feel like they’re just mocking people at this point. Like it started off as a joke to see how far execs at New Era could go before people realized they should rip the sticker off. “Here, wear this addendum to your hat so people know it’s capabilities and size.”

I’ll wear hats as much as I can until the day I die, probably even be buried in one, if we’re being honest. I’m a huge hat enthusiast and am all in on anyone wearing them when they can. It’s not rude, it’s comfortable and easy. Just take the damn sticker off. You’re not impressing anyone, especially when it’s a group of you with the same sticker on your head. It’s not a members only club that you somehow got into, there’s no secret handshake needed to buy a hat. You walk in, pick one out, hand them money, and leave. Throw the sticker in the trash as you walk out the store and get on with your life.

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