How exactly does telemarketing work?

This may be my own ignorance, or just something all of us wonder but don’t care enough to actually research or give much thought to. I get about 3-5 calls a day from random numbers, with the monotone, slow, robotic recording going full blast once I answer. It ranges from needing new auto insurance to diabetes medication to arthroscopic equipment for my poor body joints. Those honestly are three things I probably do need, but chances are I wouldn’t go through a random robotic sales call to find them. Who actually falls for these traps?

At first, I would do the normal thing and hang up once I heard the machine fire up and shoot its robot shot, but then I became kinda enticed and decided to start listening to the entire message. Once I heard you can speak to a representative, I was all in. That’s what I do every time now, regardless of when they call. Who are these cold calling bastards and how exactly did they fall into this line of work? This is a question I’ve asked the few representatives that I was able to keep on the line, but usually they refuse to answer. They also just immediately hang up once they realize you have an IQ above 50 and they won’t be able to scam you. Scared little asses behind a phone are too afraid to even keep talking.

Typically, they’ll start with asking your location, even though they claim to know your info when they first call. You’d think that’d be enough to thwart the masses from falling for these games, but apparently its not. So I really do wonder, who falls for these? Who out there is dumb enough to give these people any of their credit card information? Honestly, if you are, you deserve whatever happens. Cleaned your bank account and declared you legally dead? Sorry chump, that’s the game of life, and you failed. You don’t deserve a credit card to begin with, so it’s for the best your identity was just stolen from Raj in West Bumblefuck India.

Speaking of Raj, how exactly do he and his band of misfits get into this line of work? Are there “telemarketer wanted” ads in the penny-saver that I’ve missed? I would really love to try my hand at this, see how many suckers I can trick into giving me their credit info based on a robotic sales pitch for needing new diabetic health insurance even if they don’t have diabetes. I would use the info to buy myself some Packers or Penguins jersey, maybe a new pair of sneakers, and then delete their info, but I think that’d be a fair trade for this life lesson of not falling for literally the laziest scam of all time. At least your entire bank account wasn’t just sold to the highest bidder in Pakistan for a handful of Rupees.

Plus, how do they get these numbers? Lately the ones calling me have been area codes near me, so it’s understandable people would be more likely to answer. If I see a number from HillsHaveEyesPeople, Montana I would know not to answer. If it’s New York (where I live) I’d be a little more inclined to pick up. Is there no way to regulate these jackoffs getting numbers near your area code? I have very little knowledge of how this stuff works, but you’d think there’d have been a way to regulate it by now.

Overall, on the list of people I’d like to meet in person, these cold calling shits are at the top. I’d love to meet Raj or Bunjabi and talk about how they got into this line of work, how many people they’ve ripped off, how they even find the ones dumb enough not to know better, and also just punch them square in the jaw. It’d be deserved. Nothing pisses me off more than people who sit behind computers or phones and scam people out of money because they are too stupid to get real jobs. Chances are they trick seniors half the time because when you think about it, who under the age of 70 doesn’t know these are scams. Fuck you Raj. Get a real job.

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